I almost cancelled.
Shortly after I booked the upcoming tour, I started having panic attacks in the middle of the night. Waking up paralyzed that I had gotten myself into something so incredibly stupid that I might just need to go ahead and let everyone down right now and cancel, rather than let everyone down in person when my throat closes up and I can’t do the thing that I’m supposed to do. Sing.
Because the person who books all those shows and says “Yes, I’ll go on tour with you! What a great idea!” is not the same person that wakes up with extreme anxiety and vocal tension on the day of a show and can’t explain why.
And I ask myself, “Why do I keep doing this?” “Why do I keep myself through this?”
And the answer is that I can’t give up.
I’ve given up on the idea of being famous.
I’ve given up the idea of being a touring musician.
I’ve given up the idea that I’ll wake up one day having gone back in time so that I never had this pain.
But I haven’t given up on my right to express myself in the way that I want to express myself – freely and without hesitation. I haven’t given up the fact that, once I get up there, I feel better onstage than I do off of it. I haven’t given up on my grit and my gumption to reach a place where physical, mental, and emotional stress are things I used to do to myself, are ways I used to react to my surroundings and insecurities.
The journey is just beginning, folks. I’m a girl living gumptiously making art that heals for myself and for you all. And I want to invite you to few upcoming performances that will include storytelling, poetry, and song. (Another way I’m trying to express all of myself rather than just parts of myself.)
The first show is on Saturday, April 19th at 2pm EST and is streaming online! Which means you can be anywhere in the world with an internet connection and watch it! So I’m really hoping that those of you I won’t be seeing in person on this tour can tune in!
It’s happening via Concert Window and you can RSVP here. (Go ahead and do it now so you won’t forget that it’s happening!) The show is pay-what-you-want so you can tune in for free or leave us a tip to help cover our expenses on the road (much appreciated).
The rest of the tour with Siv Jakobsen (NYC and NC) is below:
Sunday, 4/20 – Brooklyn Folk Festival - 1:15pm.
Tuesday, 4/22 – Kerri hosts the Jalopy Theatre Open Mic for the last time at 9pm. (I play two songs at the start. This is for anyone who wants to perform as well as watch!)
Friday, 4/25 – The Turntable, Jamestown, NC – Doors at 7pm, Show at 8pm, $6 pre-sale, $8 day of
Saturday, 4/26 – Open Eye Cafe, Carrboro, NC – 8pm
Tuesday, 4/29 – Crown Station, Charlotte, NC – 6:30pm
Thursday, 5/1 – The Living Room, Pilot Mountain, NC – 7:30pm
Wednesday, 5/7 – 68 Jay St. Brooklyn, NY – 8pm
And that’s the tour, folks! I’d so appreciate your support either in person or for the online show next Saturday the 19th! I promise to be gumptious and true and break your heart a little bit before I sew it back together with words and music.
Yours in gumption,